Well I’ve been working on this for a while. It’s a long one but I think I got out what I needed to. I wanted to elaborate on something I touched on briefly in my post about Kapital Kink:
Someone expressed the opinion that if a bottom doesn’t safeword, a top is absolved of responsibility for their actions, which made me want to scream for various different reasons. It made me feel good that other people challenged him about this, because actually I think that idea is flat out Wrong and Dangerous. (And this I know from hard Experience which I will not relate here.)
Let’s start from basic principals. What’s a safeword? A safeword is a word that means “no” or “stop” in a context when it has been agreed that “no” doesn’t mean “no”.
I find it weird that many folk seem to consider a safeword essential to power play. Personally, my kink is on giving away control, so when I say “no” it usually means “no”. When I get to know someone better, and I think they know me enough, I might want to go to a place where I would say “no” but still maintain consent. But to me that is much more intimate, and demands the top or Dom to have a much better understanding of me. As I see it, this goes contrary to the conventional wisdom, some of which contends that a safeword is critical at the beginning, but can be dropped more safely as a rapport is created.
(This post focuses mainly on safewords in regards to pain play. It is written from my experience as a submissive bottom masochist.) Read more…
So I was in my bedroom with a boy. He was in his underwear holding his hands behind his head and I was wanting to learn more about him. I asked him why he was interested in submission. He told me it is because he likes pleasing, he likes making people happy.
Now as a dominant I like to be made happy. But part of the game is that I’m difficult to please. I put before a submissive new demands, harder demands. I am pleased when I know he is doing something he would not normally do. I like it when he extends himself, goes beyond his comfort zone, and even finds pleasure where he may not have previously. I like it when there is no pleasure for him but in my smile and my approval.
Really, if all he wanted was to please, you’d be much better off with a vanilla girlfriend. He could treat her well and listen respectfully and eat her pussy and maintain good personal hygiene, and that would do it. Easier. Pleasing me as a dominant is more difficult because I will ask a lot, and then when that is given, I will ask for more. Making me happy involves dressing the way I want, standing the way I want, touching himself and me exactly how I say. It involves letting me take an hour to tie him up, then to untie him. But the exchange is that I will be very clear. I will say, “Stand up straight.” There is no guessing, no looks meant to convey my desires. I will say, “I want you to feel this. Will you accept?” instead of using guilt and passive aggressive manipulation. Then I will hurt him, and he will cry out and grimace, and I will smile.
I usually only read erotica with male dominants and submissive women. I have been doing this for about a decade now and I know how to find what I want. I don’t have to think much about reading it because I know all the stories.
I just read an article by Matisse at Filthy Gorgeous Things describing her kinky lovemaking. How gorgeous and sexy it is. Making me reconsider my tastes.
Well I still do not have Internet at my new home. Which is why I have so little to say lately. Generally I have been quite well occupied by school and settling in as well.
I have taken up crochet. You can’t tell too well form the picture, but this is a vulva:
Also I made two floggers. I seem to be just about out of people on which to try them out. Hopefully someone wanders through my life soon. Have a couple of possibilities in the works. But we’ll see.
I need a real digital camera so I don’t ahve to take these pictures holding my laptop over things. They are really hard to line up that way.
Well I have wanted nipple clamps for about 10 years now. I thought, OK I have waited long enough. These are cheap, unadjustable and harsh…. I will get used to them, but will my men?
Well, Spring is here and all sorts of plants are pushing through the soil. An old friend of mine who will soon be arrive is the Stinging Nettle.
Off and on I have consumed Nettle infusion for a few years now. An infusion is a tea which is left to steep for 4-8 hours rather than the traditional 2-10 minutes. This allows time for the plant to break down fully in the water. Also, components of plants which are broken down early in steeping aid in further digesting other components later on.
As a side note, if you regularly drink any form of herbal tea, I recommend trying a cup which has been steeped 4-8 hours alongside a cup which has just been brewed. The difference in taste is not only that it is stronger, but is noticeably different in quality. (I recommend this with a leaf or root-based substance as flower teas finish much quicker owing to their more delicate construction.)
The taste of a nettle infusion is rich and earthy. It is not the grassy flavour some other herbs present with, nor are there much volatile oils such as with the mints and culinary herbs. To me it tastes strongly of health, vitality, spring, earth and green. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but delicious over ice during a heatwave.
The flavour is not misleading, nettle is actually ridiculously healthy, being high in iron as well as other minerals and vitamins. It is also one of the most commonly-used herbs in western European clinical herbalism, considered with its balancing qualities to be as close to a panacea as anything could be.
(Excuse me for hippying out there for a second.)
While I do not know of any stands large enough to harvest enough nettle to supply me with much infusion (which requires one dry ounce per liter), I do know where to obtain sufficient plant to play a few games.
Nettle contains histamine, and elicits a mild allergic reaction. Myself I have worked barehanded with nettles before and been fine, but then I used to install fiberglass insulation in short and a tank top, so YMMV.
Now I am also wondering, could I quickly make a rope of nettle to bind someone? The deceptively-named paddling.net (actually about kayaking and canoeing!) has a report of creating rope out of nettle, though in a way so as to remove the stinging qualities. Also found a website which contains detailed, illustrated instructions to making rope out of nettle and other easily-found fibres.
Caning is something I am interested in as an advanced technique, once I have properly learned other kinds of percussion play. I found a pretty extensive article, Sensuous Caning, about how to properly warm someone up for caning, including how to read body language of your bottom. Good all round advice for my more entry-level hitting.
I have been caned, twice. Both times I had mixed feelings about it, but I definitely saw the potential if given properly. The first time, if I recall correctly, I was all warmed up from other toys and then for some reason things paused for a bit longer than was needed. A bit more warm up was done, but if instead things had just kept going with pause it would have been quite delicious. As it was it was very very close, quite nice as it was. Also I think the first time you do something so intense there is a certain amount of not feeling what is going on so much as intellectually paying attention. It’s just like taking a new drug, really. Subsequent experiences are more profound because you are not paying attention so much to the most obvious sensation, are able to absorb
I am quite a heavy masochist when my body is worked correctly, and I look forward to learning how to work on someone else and give those joyous feelings.